Tag Archives: nurture work

Be the change

 

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Over this last week, I have been thinking about how easy it is to be sucked into a spiral of negativity, there is so much ranting on Facebook, negative news in the world, in my work role so many of the children I work with have deeply sad stories.I find particularly in mid-January when the days are grey, it is so easy to feel despair and negative, none of these are good for my wellbeing. The flip side on offer is a bombardment of positive feel-good messages and to be honest I personally don’t find these helpful either.

My friends Ian and Gail Adams talk about how we can be the change, how there are small actions we can all do that will make a difference. This week I have been thinking about this, there is a quote from Maya Angelou that I love:

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

The message I give over and over to Ta’s and teachers that I work with is that our role is to help our children feel accepted, to feel wanted and to feel that they belong. Sometimes that is by noticing the small changes, seeing what it is that excites them. This week I have been trying hard to focus on the small changes e.g. recognise and celebrate when a child only hits out once rather the usual 5 times, noticing how a child sits for the whole story, celebrate with a parent that they arrived on time 3 times this week rather than always being late that had previously been the pattern. In my nurture role being the change is finding the moments of hope, it is not giving up on the children and families I work with, it is believing that change can and will happen.

I know that this time of year can be hard for my wellbeing, I long for blue sky and the feeling of the sun, I know I can easily fall into despair and forget that change is possible. When there is blue sky I make sure I get outside to enjoy it, even it it’s only for 5 minutes, the photo attached was one of the moment this week. As I am writing this blog the sky outside is grey, it is raining ( again!), I am aware I need to find some hope this afternoon, so I plan to think about my garden and plan what I will grow when the spring finally arrives.

More of my writing can be found in

 

Promoting young children’s emotional health and wellbeing

Promoting emotional wellbeing in early years staff

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Hope for the future

 

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This weekend I attended the wedding of a beautiful couple, Harry and Grace. During the reception, I had the usual conversation with other guests about jobs, when I am asked what I do I usually say I work with 4 yr olds who are finding life very hard. Or tell them my daughter’s description of my role “mum works with 4 yr olds, plays with play dough and says I can see you are really cross but it’s not ok to bite”. People, always look slightly taken aback when I describe my job and often ask how can a four-year-old be in such a difficult place. One person on Saturday asked me what hope there was, and my answer was lots. One of the main aims of my job is to share an emotional language, to encourage and help the children to recognise how they are feeling, what they are feeling and to help them manage those feelings. If we can put in place from a young age an excellent emotional intelligence we are offering children a fantastic starting point to life.

At the wedding on Saturday, I was reminded by the wonderful hope we have for the future, it was fantastic to see how this couple and their friends have an amazing emotional intelligence, there was no sign of any toxic masculinity at this wedding. This was a wedding full of men and women expressing their true feelings, this was a wedding where the best man and the groom publicly said how much they loved each other, where the bride publicly told her bridesmaids how important they were in her life. This was a truly equal wedding, with bride and groom walking in together, with tears from both as they greeted each other, with women leading the service and all speeches by an equal mix of men and women, including a speech from the bride’s father and the groom’s mother. This wedding gave me hope for the future, this wedding reminded me that times are changing, that there is a growing emotional intelligence and I firmly believe that will make for a better world and a better future.

Order of service by Joel Baker

A year of wild swimming and writing

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I have been looking back over the year and photos I have taken. For me, 2017 was a year of wild swimming and writing. I was fortunate to have 3 books published and I have swum in some amazing places. It has been a year of focusing on wellbeing, through writing about wellbeing, supporting my nurture children to have good wellbeing and trying to continue to learn what I need for good wellbeing.

This year I have swum in rivers, in outdoor pools, the sea and my local pool. My best swims have been off the north beach in Iona, through the Stair Hole arch at Lulworth Cove and Durdle Door and swimming in the river with mini natural jacuzzis in Dartmoor. Swimming, particularly outdoor swimming makes me feel so alive and happy and I know it enhances my wellbeing.

My hope for 2018 is to continue sharing my learning about wellbeing with others, to keep writing books and enhancing the lives of my nurture children. But most of all I hope to swim in some more amazing places in 2018.

Embracing stillness and slowness

 

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So much of the nurture role I do is helping children and the staff who support them to find a place of calmness and safety. There are many tools my colleagues, and I use to do this, it’s not rocket science! But it does need practitioners who can be calm and secure themselves. When you have a child who is throwing, kicking, biting, running, etc. because they are scared and frightened and have overwhelming feelings, they desperately need an adult who is solid and calm to help them feel safe and to come to a place of calmness.

Over the last three years of doing this work, I have realised increasingly how important it is for me to have space and encounter stillness outside of work. I firmly believe it is from a place of stillness and silence that I can become nourished to do my role. Daily swimming and gardening are important aspects for me in nourishing this. In the last six months, I have been writing a book about adults wellbeing, an important section in this book is about being comfortable with silence and stillness and be able to slow down.

This week we are away on the Isle of Mull, it’s not a very large Island, but many of the roads are narrow with passing points. If you are driving around the island this forces slow driving, also the scenery is so stunning, so you end up stopping regularly to watch an Eagle, look for Otters, or stop for the many Highland Cows and Sheep that are on the road. Although Mull has many visitors, it is easy to be in the hills or a beach and encounter nobody. What I have loved about this week away is embracing the stillness, at home I regularly walk around the community meadow at the back of our house and I love the stillness this brings, but here on Mull, it is another level of stillness and slowness and silence. To be able to spot Otters or watch for the Sea Eagles or Golden Eagles you have to sit and be still and watch, I have learnt how wildlife watching is such a mindful exercise.

The summer break from the nurture work is a time for me to take stock, reflect, have space to think about my writing and training, to be creative and plan. It is also a time to read, to nourish myself, to feed my soul. I feel this week of slowness, of big open spaces, of stillness and silence is a good starting point.

Transitions and closures

 

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We know that attention to transitions is so important. So much of my nurture work is about helping children to cope with transitions. So many children find transitions hard. In many primary schools last week and this week children are finding out who their new teacher will be, year six children have had their move up day to senior school. Children who are moving into reception will have visited and met their teachers.

Unfortunately, transitions don’t always get the full attention that is needed. In our role as nurture worker, we spend all year talking to staff about transitions. Over the years I have seen a few ideas/practices which have been brilliant.

Making photo books for children about their new setting/ classroom- this can be shared at home over the holidays

Having school uniform in the nursery to dress up in

Taking a video of the new setting to watch at home or in nursery

Meeting new teacher ( lots) if the child is in a school having lots of opportunities to visit the new teacher/classroom- ideally for weeks and weeks ( not just a few days!)

Making photo books with the children about what they like in their current class or nursery and share this with their new teacher, getting the children to take the photos.

 

As well as transitions for children we also need to think about closure. For some staff who have been working 1-1 with a child, this can be a very strong relationship, and it can be hard for the staff when this work is closed. We need to give attention to our feelings about the closure and the child moving on. It is ok to feel sad about the work ending, and we need to acknowledge that. It is important that staff have someone they can de-brief with and also that they are praised and thanked for their work. Also as individuals, there are things we can do to acknowledge the work ending, this week I was encouraged to think about this in my role. This year I have worked closely with two children, where the work has been at times very emotional, my boss suggested I planted something, in nurturing a plant it can help to bring a sense of peace to a situation. I followed her advice and planted some alpines (photographed above).

 

 

Offering resources to children which look beautiful

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During this week I have been thinking about resources for my nurture work, thinking about the individual needs and interests of the different children.I have also been writing training and organising photos to go into my book- Promoting young children’s health and well-being, which will be published soon by Jessica Kingsley publishers. The thread in all of these activities is giving careful thought about the resources we offer to children and how we can make them look inviting.

I believe if we want children to get pleasure from the activity, if we want children to learn to value and look after resources and if we want children to have the opportunity to create beautiful things then we need to offer them resources which look attractive, beautiful and inviting.

I love it when I see creative areas in classrooms and nurseries which look inviting and attractive. In Reggio Emilia ( a town in North Italy who are have developed a creative pedagogy) they give a lot of thought to the resources they offer, how they look, how they feel etc. I visited Reggio over ten years ago and took away with me the idea of presenting materials and resources to children in a beautiful way.

During this last week, I have been developing a new resource, inspired by Reggio practice, it is a resource tray of small parts. I will be using this in training I am delivering, I also plan to use it as one of the photos in my book. I have made a smaller version that I will be using in my nurture work. The idea of a small parts tray is to offer resources that children can use in their creative making.The aim is that it looks interesting, tactile, inviting and will encourage children to extend their creative activities.

Photo of small parts tray taken by Iain Cotton

Children who take toys into school- are they transitional object?

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It’s a few weeks into the new term, I have now met all my new nurture children and their staff. It is common for new children starting school to bring something with them from home, often a toy, sometimes a bit of a blanket or a scarf, this is the case for several of my new children. Some schools allow this for a week or maybe two but then want it to be stopped. Many teachers feel that bringing toys and items from home is a distraction, can cause unnecessary disagreements between children and fear they might be damaged.

I understand these concerns but for some children, there is another reason for bringing something in from home, it is comforting, it helps them to feel safe, it is a connection between home, their carer and school. Donald Winnicott in 1953 introduced the term transitional object for items that children use to help them cope with changes. Some children have one object that they take everywhere, e.g a piece of blanket or one very loved, old toy, for other children it is about taking something from home, which acts as a physical link to home.

Early years settings are often really good at understanding the importance of a transitional object and the comfort this provides to children. I think it is really important that this knowledge of child development and good practice from early years settings is shared with staff in schools.

While we are helping children to transition into school we can sometimes forget that for some children this settling in process, helping them to feel safe and secure can take a while, this does not always happen in the first few days or weeks. Some children still need their transitional object to help them feel secure, this doesn’t have to be on them all the time, it could be in a pocket, on a shelf or in a drawer. The very knowledge that they have something with them from home in school can often be enough to help them feel safer and secure.

There will be some children who are still arriving at school and are deeply upset and distressed at leaving their parent, I often suggest for these children that they are allowed to bring in something to school which reminds them of their Mum or Dad e.g a small scarf which smells of mum or a small lego man that they play with Dad. I encourage the parent to explain to the child “I know you are feeling sad that I am not with you at school,  have this scarf to look after for me, when I pick you up you can give it back to me, I will be thinking of you today” the parent can also have something of the child’s e.g a toy that they will look after until the child comes home. The object from home can be kept in the child’s pocket or in their drawer, when the child is feeling overwhelmed or sad they can feel the object and remember they will see their parent soon.

I have been having conversations with the staff working with my new children about the importance of transitional objects and encouraging the staff to recognise that some children still need this.