Yesterday I attended a retreat led by Ian Adams and Gail Adams. One of the questions they were exploring is how do we nurture ourselves? This is a question I have been exploring and thinking about a great deal over the last few months. One of my roles is a nurture support worker, supporting and working with 4 yr olds who find it very difficult to be in school. The main part of this role is to nurture them, and support the staff in school to nurture them. I feel that I spend a lot of hours in the week thinking about what it means to be nurturing and what the nurture needs are of the children I support and what the nurture needs are of the staff I support. The word nurture has become an everyday word for me, but it is a special word, a word which carries so much depth.
In the last few months, I have been particularly aware of the need to nurture myself. I know that if I do not take care of myself, take care of own wellbeing then I will be unable to fully nurture others. Last weekend we went to see a friend who has recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. In our conversations together we discussed how she can die well, but also how she can live well now. This conversation was full of laughter and joy but also, some soul-searching for all of us about how do we live well now? I feel the question of how do we nurture ourselves is woven in with how do we live well now.
In my role of nurturing young children, I want to help them feel special, to feel loved, to find joy and learn to love life and live well. I am aware these are things I want for myself, my family and friends. So my aim this week is to continue trying to nurture myself. Part of this is spending time with friends, finding joy each day and to continue learning how to live life well.
The photo was taken this morning, seeing the sun rise over the meadow by our house. My start this morning at living well and nurturing myself.
As adults do we play? One thing I love about my job is hearing what children say. I have heard 4 yr olds over the last few weeks tell me that adults don’t play. Play in the early years is vital, play in all of childhood is vital but it is still (at the moment) recognised in the early years as the main way children learn. As an early years worker playing is an essential skill, so hearing children say that adults don’t play is possibly suggesting they are not seeing a lot of play from the adults around them, which is worrying. A new advert has come out recently from Ikea. It asks children to write a letter to the Three Kings (Sweden’s equivalent to Father Christmas) saying what they want for Christmas. It then asks the children to write a letter to their parents, saying what they want from their parents. Lots of the children say in the letter to parents, play with me more. I am pretty sure this was set up and scripted, but I know from research I was involved in gathering for The Children’s Society’s Good Childhood Inquiry, that children often say they want adults to spend more time with them and to play with them.
This leads me to the question, do we still know how to play? How playful are we? What do we do in our lives that is playing? For me playing is something which is not work, it is something which brings me pleasure and joy. Play is something I can lose myself in and there doesn’t have to be a result at the end. I play a lot in my job, this week I have been playing Superheros (happy and sad ones). I have been playing with jelly and squirty cream and playing with fuzzy felt faces, but this is work for me. It’s great work but it’s not really playing I would choose! The type of play I would choose is crunching through leaves in the meadow behind our house. I never tire of the sound of walking through leaves, and noticing the changes in the meadow. The type of play I would choose is swimming. I swim every weekday early morning, I love the rhythm and the feel of gliding through the water. The type of play I would choose is Reading. Although this is not an active play thing, it is something which brings me great pleasure, in which I can lose myself and relax. The type of play I would choose is Felting. This is a creative play activity for me, which I learnt a few years ago. The joy of felting for me is the process, it’s often not about the finished piece. Most of the felting I do is abstract, its about exploring and playing with colours and fibers. I love how you never really know what you will end up with when you are felting, the piece at the beginning looks very different to the piece at the end.
Within the world of early years, we need to make sure we are playing with our children and not just observing their play. As parents, we need to play more with our children, on things that they choose. As adults we need to find time to play, doing things that bring us joy.
The photo is of my latest piece of felting
Throughout my career, I have learnt the importance of celebrating small achievements. So often we can be fixated on the idea of big achievements and can miss the small details. Early in my career, I worked with children with non-organic failure to thrive; young children who refused to eat. My role was to support families and help to encourage the children to eat. I learnt early on in this role to celebrate the small details. I would often sit with a family during a meal time and exuberantly show delight at a child for eating a pea, even if they ignored, threw and refused to eat the rest of the meal. I would be celebrating with the child and the parents for the one pea that was eaten. It’s similar in my role now, often finding myself searching for those small details of change and helping staff to celebrate the small positive changes. My delights this week have been, a girl agreeing to play and explore the “Frozen” themed play dough I had made, seeing a child agree to come inside after only being reminded three times and not having a tantrum, and seeing a year 1 child begin to write 2 words. These are small events, they are things which most other children aged 4 and 5 would do easily, but for these children they were small and important achievements; and small achievements is what we need to celebrate.
It can be the same for ourselves, in own lives. Often we don’t recognise the small things we do achieve as adults. For the last two weeks, I have been frustrated and cross at myself for not managing my time well and not finding the space to sit and write and start a new project. This weekend I decided I needed to be kinder to myself. To stop being irritated at what I haven’t achieved but instead, find joy in what I have achieved. Changing my way of thinking has helped me to find a bit of space, to start writing and planning and more important it has helped me to find some calmness and acceptance.
There are times working with children when it can feel as if everything in front of us is misty and unclear. For early years workers and educators, there are clear guidelines about the development that children are expected to make. There are increasing numbers of hoops our children need to jump through and an increasing number of targets to be met. For some children these targets are set far too high; they may be aged four but they could be working at the development of a two-year-old or younger. It can be hard for the educators working with these children to know how to move forward, and how to scaffold and extend the child’s learning. The way forward can be misty and unclear.
My role is supporting staff working with children who are finding it hard to transition into school. These children often don’t meet the development guidelines for their age. I have had many conversations over the last few weeks about the way forward for these children, and about how we might adjust our expectations and our way of working to meet their individual needs. To find a different path through the mist. I am really aware that it is so easy in my role as a nurture specialist to advise, support and try to guide the staff, but the really hard work is for the teacher to be willing to step away from the usual path they take and to try new things. To take risks and to accept that the mist will probably not clear quickly. This can be a scary path to take and one which often means letting go of some control and being willing to be a co-explorer with the child.
How long do we expect children to sit?
It’s a new term and I am back into schools, in reception classes. I have been struck once again by the need our school system has to make children sit down on the carpet. My gut feeling has always been that this is unnecessary for young children; more than that, it is unhelpful and unrealistic. This week I have seen 4 and 5 yr olds sitting on the carpet for over 30 mins; this is too long.
This week I read an article by Angela Hansom, who is paediatric occupational therapist in America- http://wapo.st/1xlsgMV;
she advocates that children (specifically those under 7) need at least one hour a day playing outside. She goes on to explain how children need “rapid vestibular (balance) input” every day. She describes this as the opportunity to go upside down, spin around in circles, and to roll down hills – all wonderful examples of outdoor play. By enabling children to do this, their balance system will develop effectively. Until this is effectively developed she argues children are not able to sit and concentrate. I found this really fascinating, for how often do we hear children being told by teachers, early years workers, and from parents not to roll down the hill, and not to hang upside down on the bars?
I regularly see children who really struggle to sit still, who fidget and roll around on the carpet. I see other children who are labelled as being naughty because they won’t comply with the rules of sitting for an extended period. My question is always why are we asking young children to sit on the carpet? What is the child telling us through their behaviour? how are we listening to children about what their needs are? Some of the best early years practice I have seen is from those practitioners who really tune into what the children are telling them and what children need; who have very limited times when the children are sitting on the carpet. We need to ensure that we enable children to play and learn through play and exploration, especially outside. We need to allow our children many opportunities to spin , roll, balance and hang upside down, and most of all we need to make sure our young children are not sitting on the carpet for too long.
our young children are not sitting on the carpet for too long.
Last weekend I went on a retreat led by Gail and Ian Adams – http://www.belovedlife.org; one of the questions posed was what is it that brings you joy?. I have been reflecting on this question all week, and one of my thoughts has been that if as adults we are not in touch and aware of what brings us joy then we will be unable to support and help children to be joyful and find joy.
Most children are brilliant at playing and laughing and expressing happiness, but we know that there are some children for whom their lives are very difficult and it can be hard for them to be in touch with those wonderful feelings and sensations that joy can bring.
Our role as educators, carers and parents is to help children to be in touch with their feelings and emotions, to help them to have the emotional vocabulary to express how they are feeling and to help them to understand the feelings they are experiencing. To be able to help children be aware of what might bring them joy we need to be aware of makes us joyful.
I think joy is more than happiness, it is a deep rooted feeling and emotion. Two things which make me joyful are gardening – growing food and flowers, and my early morning swims. I swim each weekday at 6.30 am this is a time when I feel really alive. I love the rhythm and movement of gliding through the water. It’s a wonderful start to the day. With gardening, it is the delight of seeing ( if the slugs don’t eat them) plants emerge through the soil and the fruit and vegetables that emerge. I get really excited at seeing the first shoots of a plant coming through the soil in the spring.
To be able to offer the children we care for the best of us and to help them to fully develop and grow we need to look after ourselves, and I would suggest part of this is by discovering and nurturing what brings us joy.
Over the last few years, I have been really interested in how we might help children find moments of silence. I think this is something which we so often presume children can’t do, won’t do, or won’t enjoy. In my personal life finding moments of stillness and silence has become so important. A place I often go to is the meadow which backs onto our garden. This is a space where I feel I can breathe, it isn’t completely silent as there are the sounds of birds, grasshoppers etc, but it is a space where I can encounter stillness.
We are now living in a culture which is full of noise and busyness, so often rushing on to find and do the next job. We know that our children are also often busy; many children today in school and nursery are having their time crammed with so many activates and then when they come home their time and space is filled with things to do, and places to be. There is very little if any time for children to be still, to encounter some silence, and some space.
When visiting early years settings in Denmark and Sweden I was struck by the lack of hurrying and the space they gave the children. The opportunities the children had to stop and look, to lie on the floor and gaze at the sky. Many early years practices in this country are learning from this, with a great rise in forest schools, which is brilliant. However once they get to school this often changes. There are often so many things they have to do, learn, fit in, during their first year and then this increases up the ages. I have spent the last year supporting 4 yr olds who are often traumatised and finding the transition into school very tricky. I have learnt increasingly this year that our children need opportunities for silence and space. They don’t always need the noisy environment we give them, and they don’t always need lots of things to do and see. Sometimes they need a space where they can stop, and where they can discover silence and stillness.
As adults, we have a vital role in helping children to learn how to encounter moments of stillness and silence. We can do this so easily, particularly by using the outdoors, helping children to notice what is around them, the bee on the flower, the spiders web. Encouraging children to lie on the floor and look at the sky, notice the clouds and the blue sky (or grey!). However to be able to do this with our children we need to feel at ease with finding moments of stillness and silence ourselves. We need to learn to be mindful about how we are and how we embrace those moments ourselves rather than always rushing onto the next thing without noticing.