Category Archives: emotion language

Supporting emotional development at home .

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Over the next few weeks I am going to post some links/ ideas for support around emotional development. In the UK for many parents this is the first week of starting the home educating, schools have sent home work to do, there are loads of free resources etc out there, but I know the list can be a bit overwhelming. My daily work is around supporting emotional development for children and staff, I thought a few links and ideas on this area might be useful. To start with here are some basic starting ideas.

Routine

We all need routine in our lives, our children are used to routine in school and nursery. Try and come up with a daily routine, that is going to work for you all. Write / draw this up so everyone in the family can see, involve the children in this planning. But also be realistic, you all need time and space to relax, play, do things you enjoy. As well as thinking about the routine as a family, think abut your own routine, put something in each day which will help you survive e.g reading at the end of the day, doing an online exercise class etc.

Get out

When possible regularly spend time outside. At the moment we can all still go outside, Being outside is known to lower our stress levels, this is vital for both parents and children. Observe guidance on avoiding people, but still try and spend time outside each day. Even if it is just walking around the streets of your local area, this is still important time outside.  If you wanted you could use this opportunity to identify birds, flowers or trees.  Birds of Britain and British Tress are both free and useful apps. The woodland trust have some suggestions of things you can do outside.

Mindfulness and Yoga

Stress and anxiety levels are high for everyone at the moment. A regular practice of mindfulness and or yoga can be a gentle way to support us. If possible I would suggest you put in place a daily practice that you do together with your children. Some useful links are:

Mindful Kids- 50 mindfulness activities– By Whitney Stewart ( This is a box of cards with 50 different activities to do) ( age 2 plus)

Yoga Pretzels- 50 Fun Yoga Activities for kids and Grownups – Tara Guber ( This is a box of cards with 50 different activities to do) ( age 2 plus)

Csomic Kids Yoga and mindfulness – you tube – There are a wide variety of mindfulness and yoga sessions on here for younger children. ( age 2 plus)

Connect with others

We will all be missing our friends and extended family. The children will be feeling this just as much as adults. We all need to find new ways to connect and stay in touch with people, setting up Skype/ face time/ zoom connections can be helpful for everyone. Children can find speaking on the phone difficult but when they see someone on the screen it can sometimes make that easier for them. 

Notice our feelings and emotions

This is a time of huge change for everyone, we will all be feeling such a wide range of feelings and emotions, and this is ok. We all need to be aware of how and what we are feeling and help our children to do the same. Using the  I wonder phrase can be so useful to recognise and acknowledge what a child is experiencing , if they are struggling with missing their friends you could say ‘ I wonder if you are feeing lonely and sad, that’s ok, if they are feeling frustrated and angry you could say ‘ I wonder if you are  feeling really cross right now. It’s important for us of all to know the feelings we have are neither right of wrong, they just are, however this does not mean it is ok for children ( or adults) to hit out etc when we have strong feelings. It is also important for adults to recognise our own feelings e.g saying to our children I too am feeling cross and sad right now that we can not see our friends.

Books can be a really useful way of extending our understanding of feelings and emotions, below are some suggestions

The feelings book- Todd Parr ( age 1 up)

The colour monster- Anna Llenas ( age 2 up)

Feelings inside my heart and in my head- Libby Walden and Richard Jones  ( age 3/4 up)

What are feelings- Katie Daynes and Christine Pym ( age 3/4 up)

Hello Happy- Mindful kids activity book for children who sometimes feel sad or angry- Stepahnie Clarkson and Dr Sharie Coombes- ( age 5 plus)

No worries Mindful kids activity book for children who sometimes feel sad or anxious-Dr Sharie Coombs- ( age 5 plus)

Also these are great

Sesame street- Ernies feelings game- you tube  (age 2 plus)

Sesame street- Ernie sings feelings – you tube( age 2 plus)

Inside out film- guessing the feelings game – you tube ( 4 plus)

Films

Inside out ( age 4/ 5 plus)

Song of the sea ( age 4/5 plus)

Being kept in mind

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Over the last few weeks, I have been thinking about this phrase a lot, it’s a phrase I often use when I talk about children’s wellbeing. In my role as a nurture consultant I regularly talk to staff about the need for them to love the children they work with (Dr Jools Page has researched and written on professional love) being kept in mind is part of this professional love. When we see a child and tell them we have been thinking about them, or we have brought in something e.g a unicorn jigsaw puzzle we found in the charity shop and we knew they would love to play with it, or we remember that they saw granny on the weekend and we ask them about this, these things make children feel special, it helps them to feel loved, it helps them to know that an adult cares about them.
It’s the same for us, we want to know that people care for us, that we are being kept in mind by another. Over the last few weeks, my Dad has had heart surgery several times, it’s been a very concerning time. What has helped is when a text arrives on my phone or phone call from a friend asking me how my Dad is, how I am. Those messages and moments of being remembered have helped to support me through this time.

This isn’t a radical way of working with children, but these small things make a huge difference in a child’s life.

Say hello to….

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This has been a week of sitting with dark days and heavy feelings, both in work and with family. Several of the children I work with are finding the run-up to Christmas incredibly challenging and our niece has Sepsis.

This week I have found myself needing to sit with the feelings of darkness. I don’t have an easy answer or solution to help the children and their staff. I don’t have any answer or solutions as comfort for my sister in law or niece.

Recently I have been reading a book by Padraig O Tauma he uses the phrase Say hello, to acknowledge the feelings and emotions and situations we are in. He uses this phrase to recognise throughout the day what you are experiencing. I know this idea of noticing how you feel is an integral part of mindful practice, the phrase say hello to, I found helpful. It feels quite a gentle phrase and it’s a helpful way to acknowledge what is happening right now.

In my role as a nurture consultant, I support the children and the staff. My job is as much about supporting staff as it is working directly with children. Sometimes I can have ideas and suggestions for ways forward, how we might support the child in the class. However, this week I mostly found myself not having any new suggestions, at one point in one school I sat and listened, we sat with hard descriptions and the hard feelings we were seeing and feeling. I didn’t have any words, I just acknowledged it was very tough. I am aware as I write this that doesn’t sound very advisory or consultant like! but that is how it is. Sometimes the best we can do and be is to sit with dark feelings. To turn up, to say hello to the feeling of uncertainty or fear or anger or despair. That is ok. The turning up is what matters.

Using children’s books to help children understand their world

 

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I am a huge fan of books, particularly children’s books. I have my own mini library that I use with children and in training. Any training I deliver I always have a huge pile of books and resources with me to recommend, I see it as a vital addition to my training.

I love the storytelling in books, and how they can develop children’s imagination, curiosity, an interest in things outside of their experience. We know that reading to children develops their language skills, I read to both my babies on the day they were born, the first story I read both of them was Guess how much I love you by Sam Mcbratney. My babies have grown into wonderful women with a passion for books and a love of language. I like to think that grew from being read to throughout their childhood.

In my work with children who have social, emotional and mental health needs I use books to help children understand things that may be difficult for them. I use stories about strong feelings, books about emotions; these help us to talk about their feelings and emotions, doing this with the aid of a book helps the children to see it’s not just them. I also use books with children to help them see themselves represented in a book, books about 2 dads or 2 mums, books about mental illness, books with pictures of children like them, books about going to the hospital, new babies arriving. I have also written two children’s books about mental illness, so books are definitely something I passionately believe in!

But the one area that has been tricky to share in a book is poverty, how we do talk to children about living in poverty?. I have been interested in this for a long time, I used to work for The Children’s Society and led on some of the research with young children around their experiences of poverty for the Good Childhood Inquiry. This is one subject where there has been a lack of books for children, until recently. Kate Milner has just written a book for young children called It’s a no money day, it’s a story about a girl and her mum, they wake up and only have 1 piece of bread in the house, and no money, it’s a story about going to the food bank, the things they can do together that doesn’t cost any money. This book is beautifully and sensitively told. We shouldn’t need this book, but we do. Current figures say we have 4 million children living in poverty in the UK, with this set to rise to five million in 2020 ( The Children’s Society). Many of us working in education, children centers, nurseries and as childminders will be working with children who are living in poverty, maybe some of us are also living in poverty. Poverty is such a hard thing to talk about, many people find it shameful. This book doesn’t solve the answers, but it does help children to understand it’s not just them, it also reminds practitioners who find this hard, to think about how it can be for some of our families. This is a book we should all add to our resources.

Recognising feelings and emotions

 

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This week it is world mental health day on Thursday 10th October, a day when many organisations, nurseries, and schools will be focusing on promoting positive mental health and wellbeing. Raising awareness is so important, however, one day a year or one wellbeing week a year in a nursery or school is not enough to embed practice. One area that I have been thinking a lot about recently is how we enable children to have a wide emotional vocabulary and understanding. If we can help children from a young age to understand the feelings they have, to be able to interpret what is going on in their bodies, then we are setting them for a good foundation of emotional wellbeing.  

Along with this is helping children to understand we all have a wide range of emotions and that is ok, we don’t have to be happy all the time. Over the last few years I have worked with a few children who have a fixed smile on their face, at first it is easy to think they are happy, but once you spend time with them, you realise it is a smile that comes out of a place of feeling uneasy, unsure, a bit scared, and they don’t know how to express these feelings. We need to help children to understand it is ok that they are not happy all the time, they can be sad or angry or jealous or scared, these feelings are normal. The problem is when we think happiness is a state we should aim to be in all the time, this can set us up to feel like a failure. As adults we need to model and show children that we all have wide range of feelings and emotions and to be able to name them, part of this is by regular acknowledging how we feel and noticing how the children are feeling- ‘ Lily I can see you are feeling tired and a bit sad today, that’s ok, would it help to spend some time sitting quietly together and looking at a book?’ or children I am feeling a bit worried this morning, I have lost my keys, I keep looking for them, do you think you could help me find them. A rich emotional vocabulary needs to be what we constantly hear in our early year’s settings.

If we can help children to have an emotional understanding and vocabulary from a young age, we are equipping them with a tool for life. I often come across adults who have a really limited emotional vocabulary, they find it so hard to express appropriately how they feel, or they feel guilty about not always feeling happy with their life. This is an unnecessary burden to carry through life, as early years workers we can help to change this. 

I am being interviewed about emotional literacies by Kathy Brodie on her Early Years summit if you want to hear this and many fantastic interviews a link is here

There is a growing range of resources we can use to help children understand feelings and emotions and to support mental wellbeing. A few books I have written are:

Mummy’s Got Bipolar 

Can I tell you about Bipolar disorder- ( for children aged 7 plus)

Promoting Young Children’s Emotional Health and Wellbeing: A Practical Guide for Professionals and Parents

Relationship and connection

 

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This first month of the new school year has mostly focussed on building relationships and making connections with new staff and new children. We will be working together a lot over the next year and I know there will be a mix of great times and challenges ahead!. In these first few weeks, we spend a lot of time observing the children, we hold lightly the information we have about how they were in nursery and how they are at home, these first few weeks are about finding out with curiosity and interest.

In the first few weeks with the children I use an all about me tool I have developed, it’s a small bag with a few key items in it. I use this to tell the children something about me, who I am, what I enjoy and to talk about what we will do together. In my bag, I have a small wind up swimmer, a pressed flower from my garden, a photo of my family, a shell, a pot of bubbles and a small lavender bag. This tool is really useful to start conversations with children about what they like and what they enjoy. Sometimes, when you discover a child’s keen interest, it can be a key to their involvement. When I know a child has a keen interest in something, I will bring that into the sensory play and emotion work over the weeks and months that we work together.

This week I discovered one of the children I am supporting has a passion and a huge knowledge about Minecraft, this is a new subject for me, I don’t know anything about Minecraft. However, I agreed that I would go away and find out, I haven’t been very successful in this, I have downloaded the game but I am not doing very well!. Over the next few weeks, I am sure, I will be learning more about how it works. I have managed to acquire some Minecraft toys, and I will be using those over the coming weeks with sensory play.

As adults when we connect with a child through something they are interested in, we are showing them that we care, that they are important, that their passions and interests matter. When a child feels that an adult cares and is interested, then they will start to trust you and work with you. Listening to them and finding out what they care about is key to building a relationship with them.

I have a book about listening to children titled Listening to young children in an early years setting: A practical guide published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers this has more ideas and suggestions about listening to children.

 

 

Supporting children’s emotional wellbeing and social skills through playing board games

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We are in week three of the new term, this term a big focus of my work is helping the children I support to grow in confidence and to be able to manage their strong feelings when things don’t go the way they want it to. This term I am loving board games!, they are becoming a key part of each session with children for the term. Board games were really popular when I was a child and when my children were little, but they seem to appear less often in family homes, I think one reason is they have been replaced with games on screens.

The reason I love using board games is they help to teach children so many skills, turn taking, waiting, listening to others, resilience when someone else wins or you come last, you notice other peoples reactions and faces and are able to extend the emotional language and understanding. Games are also great for extending children’s language and communication and with some games encouraging early counting skills; they also often bring lots of laughter and joy. My favorite games at the moment are Rocket Kerplunk ( a variation on the old Kerplunk), pop up pirate and lotto games.

It is not unusual for children across the ages to find it really hard to be with other children, to understand the social skills around waiting, turn-taking, listening and increasingly they have low resilience in being able to cope with things not going their way. May practitioners who carry out intervention work with children across the ages will use board games to support this. When a regulated and calm adult is scaffolding and supporting the board game play, this can be a safe space and a safe way for the child to work on these skills. I have also found that children and young people are happy to chat about their day, how they are feeling, what is going on for them when they are engaging in a game.

In this time of an increase in technology, many children are losing out on the chance to play board games. Often children are playing screen games on their own, the screen games do not teach the same social and emotional skills. My main encouragement to parents and staff who support children, is to play lots of these sort of games. I was encouraging parents before Christmas to buy the child a board game for Christmas. In the post-Christmas time now is the time to find board games in charity shops! with lots of families making space in their house or children have grown out of some of the younger games, now is that chance to buy a great variety for little money.