I am very good at imagining the worst; at catasrophising. Since using mindfulness I am now far more aware of my tendency to do this but there are times when it is very hard to stop. Over Christmas I was dreading this first week of January, I had a strange week planned, I was going to Centerparcs with friends, but also still working in schools as Centerparcs is only 20 minutes from many of the schools I work in. My sister, her family and my mum were also going to be at Centerparcs; and then my sister and her family were leaving on Thursday to emigrate to New Zealand! I imagined awful things, I presumed that I would spend the week crying, that my Mum would be a mess and the children I work with would all be distressed at returning to school. I couldn’t imagine anything good about the week and all I really wanted to do was hide.
On the Tuesday morning I left early to go to work. My journey was a walk through the beautiful Redwood trees just as the dawn was beginning. I heard owls, I heard the birds morning song as they awoke and I saw rabbits. I made a decision that morning that I needed to choose to have some fun, that this was the last time for several years I would see my sister and her children and I needed to decide to enjoy it.
The week is now over, all the things I dreaded did not actually happen. The children I saw were mostly in a good place and pleased to be back at school, happily there were no tantrums or distress from them. My Mum coped amazingly well; I did cry as I knew I would, but not all week! and I had a lot of fun playing in the pool with my family and friends. As I am writing this piece I am also having an i-message conversation with my sister on the other side of the world. She is 13 hours ahead and telling me about their day on the beach where the sea is warm! So my fears of the plane crashing and never hearing from her again were very wrong! I am reminded again that catastrophising doesn’t help and often the things I really fear don’t fortunately happen.